Ketchup

I love Ketchup. Here are my personal guidelines, I'm sure you will disagree:

• Put ketchup on virtually every type of meat - steak, chicken, hamburger, sausage, hot dog, brat. Notable exceptions are turkey and ham (except when they are dry, then ketchup is appropriate).
• Put ketchup on most types of potato - french fries, baked potato, potato chips.
• Put ketchup on anything fried.
• ALWAYS dip everything - dipping ensures the optimal amount of ketchup for every bite.
• I'm not a ketchup snob. Any U.S. brand tastes good to me. The only ketchup I haven't liked is a European version that was way too sweet. Kyder (Aldi) is what I have at home.
• No ketchup on eggs.
• No ketchup on Mac and Cheese.
• At fast food restaurants, I either create a ketchup mountain directly on the tray, or on the bottom side of a super size beverage lid. There is no point in using those dinky paper cups.
• If necessary, ask for ketchup packets by the fist full.
• When dining in, check the level of the ketchup bottle at your table immediately when you sit down. If less than 1/2 full, request a new bottle way before your food comes. Remind the server if necessary.